Q: How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Who knows; they never get the house.
Q: How is a lawyer like a pickpocket?
A: Do you really need to ask?
Q: What is the difference between politicans and batteries?
A: Batteries have a positive side.
Q: What's the difference between Outlaws and In-laws?
A: Outlaws are wanted.
Q: What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a
dyslexic?
A: Someone who's up all night wondering if there is a dog.
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language where in a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
I just returned from my twenty-fifth high school reunion. Everyone had
changed very little. We spent most of the time reminiscing on the good
times we had during our high school days.
What most of us remembered most vividly was the semester we were
offered a
class in accounting. This was an experimental class that had never been
tried before, and because of us will probably never be tried again.
You see ... we rapidly lost our interest and attacked the principal.
Introductory Chemistry has been taught at Duke for about a zillion
years
by professor Bonk (really)...he has been around forever. Anyway, one
year these two guys took the class and did pretty well on all the
quizzes and mid-terms-so much so that going into the final, they each
had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the
final, that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final
was on Monday), they decided to go to U. of VA and party with some
friends up there. So they did this and had a great time.
However,with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until earlym Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they found professor Bonk after the
final and explained to him how they missed the final...they told him
they went up to U VA for the weekend and had planned to come back in
time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't
have a spare and couldn't fix it for a long time and so were late
getting back to campus. Bonk thought this over and agreed that they
could take the final the following day.
The two guys, elated and relieved, studied that night and went in the
next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in
separate rooms and
handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked
at the first problem which was something simple about molarity and
solutions and was
worth 5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this is going to be easy".
They then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what
they
saw on the next page. It said only...
(95 points) Which tire?