ussia to collect debt(!) from who?

The Bahnhofstrasse, Zurich's elegant shopping street, is filled these days by burly young Russians with thick gold medallions, flashy watches, and tarty girlfriends teetering on stiletto heels.

These self-described 'import-export businessmen' or 'consultants,' are shopping up a storm with wads of freshly printed US $100 bills, airlifted to Moscow courtesy of the Clinton Administration.

The last time there were so many Russians in Switzerland was in 1799, during the French Revolutionary Wars, when the great Marshall Suvaroff took his entire army, with all its guns and baggage, across the St. Gothard Pass in the dead of winter.

In the old communist days, Russia's mafiosi and robber barons used to flock to the Black Sea Coast at Sochi, a virtual Soviet Acapulco filled with throbbing, all-night discos and drunken revellers. Today, Russia's `demimonde' goes to romp and frolic in Switzerland and on the French Riviera.

Meanwhile, back in Mother Russia, workers haven't been paid in months. Government is broke. This is due to ineffective or non-existent tax collection, massive theft, and bad accounts receivable. The last item is one of the unknown disasters of the Soviet Era.

Russians have a long tradition of being poor managers of money. Financial matters in Tsarist Russia - as well as the Ottoman Empire - were the preserve of Jews, Armenians and Greeks. Russians and their Polish and Ukrainian neighbors have an unfortunate tenancy to be happy-go -lucky with money - reckless grasshoppers in a world of frugal ants.

Failure to keep tight control of receivables, as any good businessman knows, can wreck even the largest company. This os exactly what happened to the Soviet Union. Moscow lent tens of billions in economic and military aid to its clients around the world, a good part in scarce hard currency. Moscow's inability to collect its foreign receivables helped bring the Soviet economy crashing down in 1989.

Here's a rough accounting of what cash-strapped Moscow is STILL owed:(in US dollars).

*Cuba $25-30 billion for oil, arms, spare parts, machinery. Fidel can't even afford razor blades.

*Nicaragua $400 million owing by the out-of-power, broke Sandinistas.

*Angola $30 billion minimum for financing the communist side in that nation's still unresolved, 22-year old civil war.

*Vietnam $20 billion at 1960's value - probably $35 billion in today's currency, for arms.

*India $22 billion. Moscow sold huge amounts of arms and industrial equipment to India in the 70's and 80's for soft- currency Indian rupees. Now Russia wants some of this back in real money.

*North Korea $3 billion minimum. This week, North Koreans are eating grass. So Moscow's chances of collecting don't look good.

*Albania $2 million - for two submarines the Albanians grabbed when they kicked out the Soviets in 1961.

*Afghanistan $11 billion. Owed by the defunct communist regime. Vengeful Afghans, who yearn to put Moscow to the sword, are unlikely to pay up.

*Syria $20 billion or so for arms and oil. Damascus is broke. Maybe Moscow will take payment in baklava?

*Iraq $25 billion. If Saddam goes, Russia may have to kiss goodbye this debt whopper.

*Libya $4 billion. Muammar's mad at Moscow. His check's not in the mail.

*Egypt $3.5 billion owing from the 60's and early 70's. Repo the Sphinx.

Add in scads more bad debts from Algeria, Yemen, Nigeria, Guinea, Mozambique, Zambia, Zimbabwe, Somalia and Ethiopia. Plus, of course, ex-satellites, like Bulgaria and Romania. And Laos, Mongolia, ex-Yugoslavia, Sri Lanka and a few billion from Indonesia dating back to the early 60's.

Russia desperately needs a tough international collection agency. If Russia could collect even part of the money it's owed, the Kremlin could stabilize the economy and actually begin paying workers.

What's more, the West wouldn't have to keep giving billions in aid to Moscow if it helped the financially-challenged Russians collect some of their bad debts.