Who Stole My Car? -Will Smith-Jeff Townes-P. Harris- Performed by Will Smith and Jeff Townes Now a joke is a joke, a funny game's a chill, but this isn't funny y'all, this is straight out ill! I mean there's a limit to humor and this is goin' to far. I ain't laughin' no more y'all, now who stole my car? Now I don't know if y'ever had a car stolen before, but it's a real crazy feelin' when you walk out the door, and you don't need a map or any kind of chart, to know you're standin' in the spot your car used to be parked! Now you know you parked your car there but yet you keep lookin', 'Cause your mind didn't accept that somebody took it! So you scratch your head, tryin' to get things clear. And there's-always some idiot sayin': You sure you parked here? To call the police would be the move that was smart, but instead you-keep looking where you know you didn't park. Searchin' for reasons like maybe tickets you owed, somethin' to justify that maybe it got toed... But not stolen, and you'd never forget it. But then you ask yourself "Well, where the hell is it?" If there was a ?? you wouldn't be done in a million years, 'cause you're lookin' somewhere else, when you know you parked it here. So thrown out in neverland, you find yourself strollin'. Then when you finally accept that it's stolen, you call the police, and they come and say; - That's the 437:th car stolen today. As if that's somethin' that he really needed to mention. Then they start askin you real dumb questions like; - Um, when is the last time that you saw it? - You idiot, right before they stole it! Now you're mad this cop was talkin' to you and someone's in you're car headed to Cowala Zoo! ?? a fool, whoever you are would you please ?? the button. Find who stole my car? I remember my first car, never forget it. Candy-apple-red eye-rock, windows, a big tenant. Talk about fast like a rocket to drive; went from zero-to-sixty in like 5.5! Imagine red rims, but that wasn't enough, it had a carphone for when I wanted to "reach out and touch"! An alpine stereo that's straight out rough, with 12 watts woofers you could hear for blocks! The first day I got it I was frontin' real hard. I could hear people say "Damn, look at that car!" I was hyped and I wanted my friends to check it out, so I went to the spot where they're usually hangin' out. Just my luck nobody standin' out side. Now I really didn't feel like parkin' my ride. So I honked my horn and nobody was comin'. I thought "What the heck" I ran inside and left it runnin'. I was inside for twenty seconds, that's all. I found my friends and said : - You gotta check this out y'all! But when we came back out, the car wasn't there! - Man you didn't buy nothin'. - I did, I swear! My friends went inside. I was mad, they didn't believe me. Now I'm standin' outside in the spot my car used to be. It was hard to figure out what to do all alone, but then I got it. Call the carphone! - Fresh Prince's car. - Yo thief! Bring my car back now, b'fore I bust ya... - Hold up, wait a minute pal! Seems like you haven't got the key. - I thought...man his right, well bring it back please! Hello? Listen thief, don't hang up...ahh Then, luckily, Jeff pulled up! I told him what had happened, someone's stolen my car. I said: - C'mon Jeff, let's get him. He can't be far! We rode around for about twenty minutes. And we were just about to say "Forget it", when I spotted him! I said "Jeff, go get'im!" We pulled up a hundred and, man, dude jetted! He was drivin' all wild and fast, like he was gettin ?? for the stuff that he crashed. I called him on the carphone again 'n' I said: -Of course you realize, when I catch you, you're dead! All through Philly was a high speed-racin'. Dude was playin' around like he thought he was racin'! A hundred miles an hour and he lost control, and slammed my car into a telephone pole. I ran to the car and said: - Man, you okay? He said "yeah", so I punched him in the face! The cops came up as if it was my fault. They saw me punch the dude, and charged me with assault! If his ?? was closer I probably would have grabbed it. He told the cops that I said he could have it. I calmed down and they got things straight. I saw half my car at seventh street, the other half at eighth! I just wanted to jump in the ocean. My car looked like it was a leg to explosion. Why does life have to be so hard? Don't laugh, next time it could be your car!