* Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a
better defense.
* If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
* Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
* If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
* Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
* Your lucky number has been disconnected.
* A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
* Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
* Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
* I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
* The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
* There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
* Today is an excellent day to have a rotten day.
* Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
* Nothing is as easy as it looks.
* Mother Nature is a bitch.
* Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.