A man may make many mistakes, but is not a failure until he starts blaming
                   someone else for them.

                   A man spends the first half of his life learning habits that shorten the other half
                   of his life.

                   A person is grown up not when they can take care of themselves, but when
                   they can take care of others.
 
                   A true friend is one who thinks you're a good egg even though you're
                   half-cracked.
 
                   Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: if you're alive, it
                   isn't.
 
                   Life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards.

                   Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel.

                   Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds you down or polishes you up, depends
                   upon what you're made of.
 
                   Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
 
                   Love letters, business contracts and money due you always arrive three weeks
                   late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.
 
                   Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof
                   and air-conditioned, and then eats in the yard.
 
                   Money can't buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours.

                   Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with

                   Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it enables you to look for it in more
                   places.
 
                   Snowflakes are some of nature's most fragile things, but just look what
                   happens when they stick together.

                   Some cause happiness wherever they go; Others whenever they go.

                   There is nothing wrong with people possessing riches. The wrong comes
                   when riches possess people.

                   Friends help you move.  Real friends help you move bodies.
 
                   Free gift...  If you see someone without a smile give them one of yours.
 
                   Love doesn't make the world go 'round, Love makes the ride worthwhile!

 
 
                   Why is there a section just for bumper sticker sigs?   People send 'em
                   in, so they need a home!  Bumper Stickers is the fastest growing
                   section on Coolsig.
 
 
                   Hang up and drive!
 
                   Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
 
                   Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

                   Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
 
                   My kid beat up your honor student.
 
                   I'm out of bed and dressed.  What more do you want?
 
                   Support Search & Rescue - GET LOST!
 
                   Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
 
                   I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming in terror like his
                   passengers.
 
                   "If you don't like the way I'm driving, YOU come get these handcuffs off!"
 
                   You're driving a car; it isn't a telephone booth, a beauty parlor or a restauraunt.

 
                   Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
 
                   My karma ran over your dogma.
 
                   I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun.
 
                   Kneel down and obey, ordinary boy.
 
                   Guns don't kill people, Postal workers do.
 
                   I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

                   Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!
 
                   If you are close enough to read this, I am close enough to slam on my brakes
                   and sue you.
 
                   You're just jealous cause the voices only talk to me.
 
                   I brake for hallucinations.
 
                   Forget About World Peace... Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

                   Vote Republican - it's easier than thinking.
 
                   Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

                   Missing dog and wife. Reward for dog.

                   i souport publik edekasion

                   Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put It In Reverse?
 
                   Pardon my driving. I'm reloading.
 
                   I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

                   Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
 
                   Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
 
                   There are two kinds of pedestrians--the quick and the dead.

                   I have an answering machine in my car.   It says, "I'm home now. But leave a
                   message and I'll call when I'm out"
 
                   When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot,
                   then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
 
                   Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon!

                   They couldn't repair my brakes, so they made my horn louder.
 
                   Drive carefully! Remember, it's not only a car that can be recalled by it's
                   maker.
 
                   Drive carefully, we need every taxpayer we can get.
 
                   Drive defensively - buy a tank.
 
                   Don't piss me off - I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
 
                   Honk if you love peace and quiet.
 
                   How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
 
                   If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a
                   Rolls-Royce today would cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, and
                   explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
 
                   If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on
                   the headlights?
 
                   A.A.A.A.A. - An organization for drunks who drive.
 
                   Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
 
                   Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left.
 
                   Sure is strange being grown up.
 
                   Attention: Driver carries less than $20 in ammunition.
 
                   Eve was FRAMED!
 
                   Jesus is coming - Look Busy!
 
                   Horn broken, watch for finger.
 
                   Jesus saves - Gretzky gets the rebound and scores!
 
                   I got this motor home for my wife.  BEST deal I ever made!
 
                   The kids drive me crazy.  I drive them everywhere.
 
                   Why am I the only person on earth who knows how to drive?
 
                   Madness takes its toll.  Please have exact change ready.
 
                   Bad cop.  No doughnut.
 
                   I drive this way just to piss you off.
 
                   Now that you're on my ass, wanna get married?
 
                   Go on, I'll see you at the next traffic light.
 
                   I don't have a license to kill.  I have a permit.
 
                   I Brake For No Apparent Reason.
 
                   No Radio - Already Stolen
 
                   Back off, I'm a postal worker.
 
                   Prevent inbreeding - ban country music.
 
                   Your father should have pulled out early!
 
                   So many pedestrians, so little time!
 
                   Don't like my driving?  Then quit watching me.
 
                   I may be slow but I'm ahead of you!
 
                   I may not believe what your bumper sticker says, but I will defend to the end your right to
                   stick it!
 
                   I still miss my x-wife, but my aim is improving.
 
                   Doing my part to piss off the religious right.
 
                   Honk if you LOVE Hanson -- Then run into a tree.
 
                   Even though this is a stupid bumper sticker, you're squinting to read it.
 
                   This delinquent is having sex with your Honor Student.
 
                   Keep the Earth clean, it's not Uranus.
 
                   Where are we going and what am I doing in this handbasket?
 
                   Supporting Amercia's Militant Agnostics...we don't know, and you don't either.
 
                   Keep honking -- I'm reloading.
 
                   I'm so broke I can't even pay attention!
 
                   QUITCHERBITCHEN'
 
                   Mean people suck.   Nice people Swallow.  (two separate bumper stickers stuck close
                   together on the back of a truck.)
 
                   If you can read this, the bitch fell off.  (on the back of a biker's T-shirt)
 
                   My Other car is a beater  (On the back of a beater)
 
                   186,000 miles per second - it's the law!
 
                   If you don't like my driving get off the sidewalk.
 
                   I love animals - especially in a good gravy!
 
                   Earth first!    We'll stripmine the other planets later
 
                   Born free...Taxed to death.

                   IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

                   To some its a six-pack, to me it's a support Group

                   Work is the curse of the drinking class.
 
                   On the back of an old pickup:  If this truck was a horse, I'd have to shoot it.
 
                   On the back of a van:   On the far right side of the bumper:   My child is an
                   honor roll student at Santa Ynez school   On the left: My other child is stupid.
 
                   In a few years I'll be tall enough to see over the wheel.
 
                   Save a tree - eat a beaver!
 
                   Don't Laugh, your daughter may be in here.
 
                   If we weren't meant to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?
 
                   Ankh if you love Isis.
 
                   Jesus, protect me from your followers!
 
                   Jesus loves you...everyone else thinks you're an asshole!
 
                   I brake for tailgaters.  Hard.
 
                   Brake for moose.  It could save your life.
 
                   I'm not tailgating, I'm drafting!
 
                   Save the humans!
 
                   Woman make great leaders, you're following one.
 
                   Pray for whirled peas.
 
                   Honk if you love cheeses.
                   Statistics are like bikinis; what they conceal is more important than what they
                   reveal.
 
                   Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is your list of girls who were naughty.
 
                   5 out of 4 people don't understand fractions.
 
                   Eagles may fly, but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines.
 
                   Color...it's just a pigment of your imagination.
 
                   This email was sent to you via email in much the same way bricks aren't.
 
                   To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question.... ....or is it?
 
                   The dumber people think you are,  the more surprised they're going to be
                   when you kill them.
 
                   I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.

                   What's the greatest worldwide use of cowhide?    To hold cows together.

                   Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

                   Old Celts never die.  They just have harp failure.
 
                   Scatology stinks!
 
                   Bald Guys never have a bad hair day.
 
                   People who think they're perfect are very annoying to those of us who really
                   are.
 
                   Don't you think it's a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

                   USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four
                   people make up 75 percent of the population.
 
                   Crazy people who are productive are geniuses. Crazy people who are rich are
                   eccentric. But crazy people who are neither productive nor rich are just plain
                   crazy.
 
                   You can lead a horse to water, but, a pencil must be lead.
 
                   All right!  I know I'm in there!  If I don't come out with my hands up, I'm coming in
                   after me!
 
                   Those nicotine patches seem to work really well, but I heard that's it's kinda
                   hard to heep em' lit.
 
                   I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
 
                   The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

                   Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

                   Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.

                   Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to
                   teach them good manners.
 
                   A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
 
                   For people who like peace and quiet - a phoneless cord.
 
                   Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
 
                   Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
 
                   "I love being a writer . . . what I can't stand is the paperwork."
 
                   Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
 
                   There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
 
                   Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
 
                   Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
 
                   There can't be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
 
                   Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
 
                   Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
 
                   Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
 
                   Dain bramaged.
 
                   Department of Redundancy Department
 
                   A closed mouth gathers no feet.

                   It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.

                   You can't have everything...where would you put it?
 
                   If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

                   If you think education is expensive, try ignorance

                   We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart

                   Out of my mind.  Back in five minutes.

                   Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

                   Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.

                   Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

                   Corduroy pillows -- they're making headlines!

                   All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

                   Oh Lord give me patience...  NOW!

                   Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor

                   It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would
                   be stupid enough to try to pass them.
 
                   668: The Neighbour of the Beast.
 
                   99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
 
                   Accidents don't just happen; they must be carelessly planned.

                   And he disappeared in a puff of logic.
 
                   Assassins do it from behind.
 
                   Beauty is quite different from charm, beauty is what you notice in a woman,
                   charm is when a woman notices you.

                   Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of
                   blaming my parents.
 
                   BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

                   Death to all fanatics!
 
                   Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
 
                   Education and intelligence aren't the same thing!

                   Elvis is dead, Mozart is dead, Einstein is dead, and I'm not feeling so
                   marvelous myself.
 
                   Eunuchs, the non-gender-specific OS
 
                   Feet Smell? Nose Run? Hey, you're upside down!
 
                   Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
 
                   Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!
 
                   If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first
                   woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.
 
                   If genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, I wind up
                   sharing elevators with a lot of bright people.
 
                   Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't; and a
                   sense of humor to console him for what he is.
 
                   In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

                   Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere!
 
                   It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. Albert Einstein
 
                   It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial charges and blamed it
                   on the cost of living.

                   Not tonight dear.... I have a modem.

                   People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of
                   them being made.
 
                   People would enjoy life more if, once they got what they wanted, they could
                   remember how much they wanted it.

                   Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

                   Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
 
                   Silence is wise if we are foolish, but foolish if we are wise.
 
                   Some goals are so worthy, it's glorious even to fail.
 
                   Some succeed because they are destined to. But most succeed because they
                   are determined to.
 
                   Stewardesses is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
 
                   Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
 
                   The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something
                   right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

                   The British have a reputation for keeping calm even when there is no crisis.
 
                   The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on
                   forecasters.
 
                   The first 90% of project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes theother
                   90% of the time.
 
                   The longer you wait, the better the date.
 
                   The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.
 
                   The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is
                   doing it.
 
                   There is no gravity. Earth sucks!

                   They say you can't really know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. I
                   say if they've got itsy-bitsy feet or some kind of foot disease, I don't wanna
                   know 'em!

                   To all you virgins... thanks for nothing.
 
                   To some it's half empty, To some it's half full. To me it's time for a beer run!
 
                   We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

                   When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with
                   atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with
                   explosions.

                   We are born naked, wet and hungry.  Then things get worse.
 
                   Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

                   You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then
                   used against you.

                   Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

                   A day without sun shine is like, you know, night.

                   On the other hand, you have different fingers.

                   Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I am schizophrenic, And so am I!
 
                   I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said,
                   "The whole time."
 
                   What's the speed of dark?
 
                   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until
                   you hear them speak.
 
                   I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

                   I'm taking Lamaze classes. I'm not having a baby, I'm just having trouble
                   breathing.

                   Hermits have no peer pressure.

                   The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls
                   live.

                   I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help
                   section?"  She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
 
                   I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
 
                   I like to paint passing lines on curved roads.
 
                   I filled out an application that said "In Case Of Emergency Notify:"   I wrote
                   "Doctor"...  What's my mother going to do?
 
                   He's as sharp as a beach ball.
 
                   When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy - When
                   planets do it we say they are orbiting.
 
                   Personally, I've always thought of a chaperone as a person too old to make the
                   team, but still in there intercepting passes.
 
                   And a word to the ladies about their appearance. Seems to me, it's far more
                   important to have your "no's" fixed before you worry about fixing your "nose".
 
                   Whoever said money can't buy everything didn't know where to shop.
 
                   Money is worthless on Mars.
 
                   If I've told you once I've told you a million times - don't exagerate!
 
                   Reality is Relative.
 
                   The older I get, the better I was!
 
                   That which does not kill me... will be the basis for my revenge.
 
                   Give blood - play hockey.
 
                   Halloween: A pagan holiday perpetuated by the American Dental
                   Association.
 
                   Gotta run. Neighbors just sighted Elvis making crop circles.
 
                   Onion ring to rule them all, onion ring to bind them.
 
                   Refuse Novacaine... Transcend Dental Medication.
 
                   REPAINT! REPAINT! And never thin again!
 
                   They say when nature calls you should answer it, I say let the answering
                   machine get it.
 
                   Sex is like a pizza... when it's good, it's great.  When it's bad, it's still pretty
                   good!
 
                   Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children.
 
                   Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
 
                   Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
 
                   Only Users Lose Drugs!
 
                   You may be only one person inthe world, but you may also be the world to one
                   person.
 
                   There are 3 types of people in the world, those who make things happen,
                   those who watch things happen and those who wonder what just happened.
 
                   Bill & Hillary are on a sinking ship, who gets saved? The nation.
 
                   A six pack a day keeps the shakes away!